Ann and Charles have lived very busy lives at the expense of their daughter Jessica. Ann is a Chartered Accountant in one of the prominent banks in the City and Charles on the other hand is a multi-millionaire business mogul who is always in transit; he spends 72 hours a week with his family. Jessica has grown up without parental love and care. She always has to battle with getting to know new nannies every 6months…..oh poor girl!
Diane, Jessica’s teacher at school noticed her grades were dropping drastically which was a source of concern to her. She decided to figure out why intelligent Jessica was failing in school. Ann has never had time to help Jessica with her homework, neither has she the time to help her prepare for her exams or even check her performance after each term. All attempts of Dianne to reach Jessica’s parents were futile.
Unknown to Ann, Jessica has been sexually abused by the John, the Cook in the house. She’s had so much to deal with at her early age. One day Ann and Charles coincidentally came home together to meet Ann crying profusely…..
‘Why are you crying sweedie? Do you need money? Do you need anything? ‘
Mum! Dad! I need your attention!
That sounded like a thunderstorm to them!
Need our attention? Why? Are we not giving her adequate care? What else does this 7year-old want?
The story of Ann and Charles is a common scenario in our world today. Busy parents who genuinely love their kids but find it difficult to manage their time and home. It’s important for parents to work and pursue their careers. It’s even more important to note that family supersedes everything else. Kids need parental love, affection and care. Irrespective of the love nannies show them, it can never equate the ones coming from their parents.
Effective Child raising tips:
- Get to know them personally:
Most parents get so familiar with their children that they only know their names only. Worse still, some parents don’t know their children’s teacher or friends…. That’s not healthy. Get personal with your kids, get to know what happens to them per day. Create time to visit them at school, establish a cordial relationship with their teachers.
- Provide an enabling environment for openness:
As children grow in age, they begin to seek privacy. They tend to be withdrawn and parents should work on this as early as possible. The environment for openness and truthfulness should be created. Give them a platform to express themselves irrespective of whatsoever they have to say. When you give your kids that enabling environment, they will find it easy to tell you secrets you need to know. Like Ann in the story above who didn’t know her daughter was doing poorly in school and also was being abused by the cook.
- Create time for your kids
You need to work to get money but money without good kids will not have any value. How will you feel at age 60 when you should be enjoying your family only to realize they are not doing well, either struggling with drugs, alcohol or prostitution due to poor upbringing? You will definitely not be at peace. Create time to play, pray, gist and have fun with them. Create vacation schedules, take them out, ensure they enjoy every season of their lives. Do not joke with their birthdays. Some parents can’t even remember their kid’s birthday nor even celebrate it. These are little things they count as love. Celebrate their victories ‘that was a good rendition you gave at the Christmas party!’ I am proud of you sweet.. You did great in your last session results ‘, be there for them when they need you with listening ears at all times.
- Speak kind words to them
Words are powerful. Your kids will try to push you to anger; they will annoy you but be careful what you say to them. Never talk them down! Don’t mock them! Don’t make them look less than they are with your words. Speak kind words to them. Tell them they are smart, intelligent, beautiful! Tell them they can be anything they want to be. Give them maximum support to pursue their dreams. Inspire them! Encourage them! Motivate them!
- Be swift to respond to any changes in your kids
Don’t ignore it when your child becomes unexpectedly withdrawn, sad and violent. Don’t ignore the signs when your daughter complains of pains in her lower abdomen. Don’t ignore the signs when your child tries to tell you of an abuse, don’t beat her, don’t shut her up, don’t sweep the issue under the carpet! Protect your child, approach the rapist! Take it legal! You can’t imagine the post-traumatic stress an abused child will goes through! Be careful of those you give your child to.
In conclusion, hug your kids….. They need it. You can never substitute money for your physical presence. Don’t be a seasonal parent.
Parenting is beautiful when adequate time, care and affection is properly given to your kids.